Passport Control

The recent weekend trip from Germany to the UK was the first in in some months for me that required passing through passport control but not involving a US destination.

I have four years worth of work permits in my passport, one from the UK and four from Germany. Normally, when I am coming in or out of Germany I hand the German passport officer my passport open to the two pages with the current Germany sticker. He/she usually holds the page, flips for a second to the front photo page, and then puts the Germany sticker under a special light to be sure it is not a forgery.

Maybe he/she will flip through the other pages looking at the other Germany stickers, then he/she goes back to the front page and scans it into the computer, squints for a second or two while looking at the computer monitor, then closes the passport and slides it face-down through the little window, and maybe says 'have a good evening' or something to that effect.

I will guess that I have gone through this little exercise perhaps 75 times in total into Germany, and almost that many times in all other countries combined, as I recall sometimes wandering into countries and not being checked. I have now come to the conclusion that all passport control experiences can be defined as: indifferent (90%), good (4%), bad (4%), and odd (2%). It's by no means scientific, nor is it specific to Germany, but it is specific to Europe and North America based on my experiences.

1. the Indifferent - they casually glance at the photo page, glance at me, their matching criteria is something like 'female with brown hair, check' and then they barely look at the sticker, except perhaps the expiration date. Americans working in Germany are a dime a dozen, so they give as much attention to the papers and I give to the tube of toothpaste I'm buying. It's labeled as toothpaste, it's in the toothpast section, good enough.

2. the Good - last year I flew into Chicago on my way to the midwest city at company J. where I work. For some reason the US/permanent residence lines were backed up, so a few of us were shuttled to the foreign visitors line. I hand over my passport to the US agent, photo side open, and he starts to flip though it. Something seems to catch his eye and he starts over again, going page by page, which in my expanded passport, is quite a few pages. A few pages past all of the Germany stickers he stops and turns it sideways reading a stamp I'm guessing, but I don't know which one.

Until now he has not said a word. He is still holding the passport open to a certain page I cannot see, but I know it's not the Germany stickers. He says, you work in Germany. Yes. When was the last time you were home? December. And what is your purpose? A week of work at company J. in a large midwest town. He then closes the passport and slides it back across the counter to me and says something that I miss, but I know it's not the usual 'welcome home' that they've started to do regularly.

I know I've missed something because he's waiting for an answer. I ask him to repeat and he says 'ah, I thought you spoke Polish based on where you visited in Poland as it is not a tourist destination, pardon me.' I then had to explain that I'm only still learning Polish, and could he repeat again more slowly? (It was welcome home in Polish, duh.) There was no one in line I would need to wait for my bag anyway, so I stood there chatting with him for 10 minutes in my very basic Polish about why I had visited such a remote destination in Poland and how he liked living in the US.

3. the Bad - It's not a specific German thing, but as I come so often into Germany my sample size is skewed. When I last came into DUS from the UK, they were doing two shared lines, so no distinction between EU and not. D and I were at the back of the line so it took some time. I'm not sure what power trip these people get from being in uniform in a little glass box, but I could see he had one.

He doesn't bother to put the sticker under the special light, because obviously he has laser eyes to spot a fake. He then barks at me in that special way that Germans have 'Do you live in Germany?'

My first thought appeared in a bubble above my head 'Well f-wit, why else would I be entering Germany late on a Sunday night with a valid Germany sticker?' Before uttering that one aloud, I thought again based on my four plus years experience here--what would be the appropriate response to a German so that I can get through here as quickly as possible?

So I shouted back to him in German in a slightly louder but more angry tone 'Yes, I work here in Germany!' like, I'm in a hurry and I'm prepared to argue even louder with you if needed. Of course, having passed that test, he immediately closed the passport and slipped it through the little window to me without a word. D. and I had been watching the other line, the other guard was questioning a UK person who was politely trying to answer in English. That will get you nowhere quickly here, my friend.

4. the Odd - I find some passport control conversations completely out of the blue. In the UK recently the guy makes a comment that whoever put my extra pages into my passport did not do a good job. Yes, that was the US government, and there are some other things they're not doing so well either. And I spilled coffee on one corner of a page. The advice from the same passport guy who saw it, "You're not supposed to feed them, no matter what they say." Uh, ok.

The last time I went to Lithuania, the passport agent asked if I have health insurance. Um, yes. (Heather wondering, since when did Lithuania become a medical tourist destination.) So you will not use the health insurance of Lithuania? Hell no, I'm not sure I would even use it if injured and in need of a doctor; I'd probably hold out for the sanctuary of German soil for medical needs, thank you.
And those are my thoughts on trips through passport control as of summer 2007.